The Era of Absolute Madness

Hey people of the internet.

Dear LORD it’s been awhile! Which this would usually be followed by me explaining how much I suck, and am sorry, but . . . that’s getting old. And fast. And the last thing I want on top of a rarely posted blog is a boring blog.

Alright, I got some things to explain and talk about, but for the few constant readers: you know what’s coming.

A recap list of the past weeks in the life of yours truly:

  • I in fact DID survive through finals week, and got straight A’s for the first semester!
  • I am now the proud owner of a giant ACT study book . . . joy of my life . . .
  • I received three bids for speech and debate, when I needed four to get to state. Ugh.
  • BUT THEN I QUALIFIED FOR STATE AT STATE QUALIFICATIONS! WHOO!
  • I got knocked down a bit with my unit 4 AP World History test. Hoping to get that back up.
  • I’ve also officially started Advanced Algebra 2. Because apparently I just love to kill myself with school. BUT it is going well so far!
  • I went to the Sweetheart’s Dance with my beautiful girlfriend and we danced the night away! Or at least . . . whatever my version of dancing is.
  • I cleaned The Abyss, also known as my closet. There’s a floor and everything now!!!
  • I performed at my band’s pasta dinner! Little mess ups here and there but it went well!
  • On that note, (Ha . . . Get it?) I’m realizing more and more how much I love jazz band!
  • It FINALLY snowed! And there was a SNOW DAY! And I got to go out and play in the SNOW! Can you tell I love snow?!
  • Relating to that, I made a tiny snowman, who ended up looking like he had an eye patch, so I rightly named him Carl. (Walking Dead fans will find this funny, I assure you.)
  • I have officially gotten a good portion of book three outlined! 20 chapters in!
  • And book 2 is still not out . . . ugh.

And there you go! Want to know something even more sad? All that was written about a week ago. Yeah . . . I suck.

Anyway! Enough with the self criticism, it’s not fun for anyone! There’s a few things I would like to address with a bit more depth than a bullet on a list. So here we go! (See? There’s some more fun to be had with this blog, than me bashing myself after posting another update list.)

First up? The state speech tournament in Cincinnati! It started with a nice little five hour bus ride, most spent eating a lot of food. So that was a fun beginning! Then we got to Cincinnati, and it still really hadn’t hit me yet. The fact that I was at the Ohio state tournament was just . . . way too incredible for my mind to quite comprehend yet. But let me tell you . . . when we arrived at the school (which was GIGANTIC, and brand new, and absolutely astounding to step into) it most certainly hit me.

So you know I did what any reasonable person would do . . . I started to FREAK out!

Which I guess isn’t too abnormal for me when it comes to speech tournaments, but when I realized that I was about to compete at the state tournament, with the best of the best, my nerves went through the roof. And that’s putting it lightly. But I collected myself and just gave it my all.

To which THAT resulted in me going over time in all of my rounds. *Sigh.* Yep.

But you know what? I really didn’t care that much. I didn’t make it to any of the elimination rounds but I still felt this sense of accomplishment. I ended up placing 43rd out of about 70 kids from all over Ohio in my category. And that’s huge. For me? For the kid who just a couple years ago would start to shake uncontrollably and not be able to get a single sentence out in front of even a couple people? To now giving a ten minute speech in front of a lot of people in a lot of rounds, and being proud and confident doing it? Yeah . . . you could definitely say I was happy. Just to be at the tournament was a huge honor! I placed 43rd in the state of Ohio! I mean that’s crazy! It’s a weekend I will never forget. And hey . . . I’ll aim for a trophy next year.

Yeah? Maybe? Yes? Eh . . . we shall see!

Now next up is a bit of an explanation on my very long absence. Basically the run down goes like this. Finals week. I was stressed and completely piled on with work. A short breathing period afterward. I decided to just lay back and try to calm down after all the craziness. The start of a new semester. New classes essentially means new work that seems to magically increase every day. Preparation for state and school work. School back into full swing, I was dealing with trying to start up book three, and I was practicing just about every day for state. The plague. Okay so maybe not the plague, but as SOON as we got back from the state tournament I was feeling weird. Achy, and exhausted, and just overall not okay. And then I went down. Hard. For four days. Oh yeah, great. I then got better and went back to school; to be greeted with a MOUND of makeup work and tests to be done.

So yeah there you go. That is in no way an excuse. I should’ve found time in there somewhere but . . . I haven’t. So as sorry as I am, I’m just going to move past it. And just go with this blog that I’m writing right now. Better late than never I suppose!

Right now I’m in the tiniest sliver of an opening in time. I’m rising above the chaos of sick work, but it seems I’m not digging out of it quick enough. Because as fast as I do work, more is shoveled on even faster. I have a major list of stuff to be done, this week and over Spring “Break.” (Yes. Quotations are necessary.) I’m not going to go too in depth with that, but . . . it’s definitely stressing me out right now. Writing this down though is actually helping. Sometimes I forget how much I need this. How much I need to just let out all the stress and madness in my head, and not care about poor sentence structure or word choice, and just remove it all out of my head and out there.

Writing is my savior sometimes. Maybe that thought will eventually take root in my head and I’ll realize: Hey, I should start blogging more then.

Anyway . . . so here’s what I’m thinking. I’m probably going to disappear again. That’s the truth. Plain and simple. I have tests, and papers, and studying, and homework, and job hunting, and writing, and editing, and . . . a lot. Next week is Spring Break, where I’m going to Disney World with the marching band. That should be absolutely wonderful. I’m going to do some studying, yes, but really? I’m just going to enjoy it. I know I can’t let the stress of school work or anything get in the way of enjoying that. It’s one of those once in a lifetime things. Maybe not that rare exactly, but it’s up there for sure.

So blog wise, I don’t see much in the near future. Maybe the week after school starts up again I’ll get something up. I plan to do a blog about my trip to Disney because I’m sure there’ll be a lot to tell. And I’ve also decided that instead of doing Walking Dead blogs after every episode, I’m just going to do one epic one about the second half of the current season after the finale. Considering there’s only two episodes left this season and I haven’t written about any of them.

So as of now that’s what I think is going to happen. Like I said who knows how long ago in the last blog, at least I’m admitting what will happen now, right? Oh well. I’m going to try to not let it get to me. Try being a key word there.

Okay . . . it’s officially approaching 10:30 so I’m going to go ahead and wrap this up. I hope this wrap up blog isn’t too chaotic and there’s some entertainment to be had. That’s the point of doing this after all.

I’ll leave anyone reading with this: I may not be writing in this blog in the ensuing weeks, but I mean it when I say writing helps me. It keeps me grounded. Calm. Clear headed. So in some way . . . at some time . . . in some form . . . I promise . . .

I will be writing.

And I know that’ll never change.

Signing off,

Jackson. 🙂